Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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