Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
