He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
