I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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