wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
