you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
