just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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