all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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