hell yes lets make some ravioli
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
