it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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