return my video game
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
