i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
