I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
