I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
