my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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