i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
