Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do vagina's smell?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
