Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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