I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
