my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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