Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
