I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
