why didn't you poke me back
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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