I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
bring money and cleavage
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
