Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
