my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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