Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i scared a bird with my dick
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.