she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen