he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.