He told me they were just razor bumps!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
