Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.