Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
