he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
