He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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