I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
