maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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