peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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