I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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