So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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