does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
