Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize