i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
