She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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