Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
