does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
