I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is wine microwaveable?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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