Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
