Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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