i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level