Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.

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  (717): everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve. http://tfl.nu/thtu
  Replies (9) Good night (781) Bad night (3110)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5430) Bad night (685)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

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  (516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny http://tfl.nu/9x6z
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (2997)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  oh that explains alot.

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  (702): you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up? (1-702): oh that explains alot. http://tfl.nu/a8xe
  Replies (13) Good night (1027) Bad night (4120)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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  (313): Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good. http://tfl.nu/3acn
  Replies (19) Good night (1331) Bad night (6205)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin

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  (630): It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin http://tfl.nu/b3ck
  Replies (18) Good night (4221) Bad night (586)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.

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  (952): we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point. http://tfl.nu/kfea
  Replies (31) Good night (4683) Bad night (1188)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

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  (402): her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed. http://tfl.nu/jsdy
  Replies (13) Good night (1944) Bad night (3620)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!

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  (+61): She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?! http://tfl.nu/x2ya
  Replies (14) Good night (1025) Bad night (4102)
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  (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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  (951): apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex. http://tfl.nu/6011
  Replies (10) Good night (2253) Bad night (1065)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

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  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
  Replies (16) Good night (1556) Bad night (2879)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress

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  (757): do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress http://tfl.nu/1usj
  Replies (4) Good night (1096) Bad night (379)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.

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  (813): IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY. http://tfl.nu/73q8
  Replies (15) Good night (725) Bad night (1319)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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  (210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n
  Replies (5) Good night (754) Bad night (1224)
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  (925): View more from California

  After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head

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  (925): After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head http://tfl.nu/8zj4
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (293)

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