I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??