Texts From Last Night

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  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (8085) Bad night (1428)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.

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  (517): Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls. http://tfl.nu/kswf
  Replies (3) Good night (2153) Bad night (1670)
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  (626): View more from California

  I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.

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  (626): I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night. http://tfl.nu/5hoo
  Replies (7) Good night (2420) Bad night (788)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

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  (443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9
  Replies (21) Good night (3806) Bad night (810)
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  (530): View more from California

  So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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  (530): So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right? http://tfl.nu/yok0
  Replies (10) Good night (1507) Bad night (668)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.

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  (250): Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks. http://tfl.nu/2d3d
  Replies (3) Good night (1889) Bad night (781)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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  (864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik
  Replies (27) Good night (3554) Bad night (1049)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.

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  (513): Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives. http://tfl.nu/voqg
  Replies (12) Good night (3454) Bad night (928)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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  (270): I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. http://tfl.nu/gfm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1319) Bad night (534)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1771) Bad night (463)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.

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  (915): My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME. http://tfl.nu/zcmi
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (1471)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.

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  (403): I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great. http://tfl.nu/f5oy
  Replies (3) Good night (901) Bad night (407)
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  (315): View more from New York

  EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS

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  (315): EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS http://tfl.nu/jrog
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (828)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  Tequila.

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  (479): Know anything about my roof collapsing last night? (1-479): Tequila. http://tfl.nu/3wq7
  Replies (0) Good night (766) Bad night (392)
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  (845): View more from New York

  There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional

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  (845): There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional http://tfl.nu/lf32
  Replies (0) Good night (215) Bad night (527)

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