So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can't special order awesome
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
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I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you win again, gameday.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now