Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever