benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
