there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
