Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
