dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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