I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
