Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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