I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
