I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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