Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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