so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize