omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
