Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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