haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
