I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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