i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
