That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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