two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
