yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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